Living from my Inner Knowing

August 19, 2015

 

It early in the morning, a candle is burning next to me and I am surrounded by the magical stillness of the woods.

 

I can feel the world around me waking up, a noise every now and then, some traffic on our little country lane, the first glimpse of dawn.

 

My body is warm, gradually preparing for the tasks of the day and feeling so light and at ease today - still something in me tries to suggest that I am wrong as I have not done what I had thought would need to be done this morning.

 

Yet I feel perfectly at ease and know that everything is right just as it is.

What just dawned on me is that I am getting a grasp of rhythmically living each moment.

Living instead of trying to master life.

 

Before there was endless lists – written down or just imagined – packed with things to do and time limits by when they would have to be completed.

 

This meant constant stress and tension and the feeling of failure was a well-known companion.

I would never meet my expectations.

I would override what I was feeling to do for what was next on my lists, aka for what needed to be done.

 

Over the last month I developed a different approach.

Now there still is a constant rhythm in my life, like going to bed early and getting up early and of some basic structures during the day, but this rhythm is only followed, because I can feel how much it supports me.

I could not let go of my beloved lists instantly and turned them from „to do“ list into „might be done“ lists – which took enormous pressure out of my life.

 

They now help me rembembering things, but I am not at their mercy anymore.

Now I will feel what needs to be done next and will go for it, even if my mind might try to tell me that this cannot be right.

 

My experience is, that what I feel from deep inside of me is the biggest support that I have, as by following this inner knowing, I am flowing with my days instead of trying to catch up with them.

Just being and being present with what I do as best as I can. Not thinking  ahead or being with another project with my mind.

This has been one of the most profound changes in my life.

I have developed so much more trust in and love for myself by realizing that in fact that I already know all that I need to know and that it is about just letting this knowing come out and trusting in it.