Trust – or how well I sometimes manage to ignore what is truly going on

July 19, 2015

 

This morning when waking up I felt quite out of sorts and suddenly realised how much pressure I had put on myself during the last days.

 

Having started a new job just recently I had tried to push myself to perfection on many levels and thought that in every moment I could have done better – kind of seeing me as not good enough.

I had made it about moments where I „failed“, but I had not taken enough – if at all – the time to appreciate what marvelous steps I was taking and how well in fact everything went. 

 

There may have been some moments of seemingly slipping, but in fact they only where a loving reminder to work on my rhythm and to be more loving with myself and made up maybe 5 % about of the day. 

How could it be that I had ignored 95% of my day?

What I realised this morning was that the key to not feeling well whilst in fact magically flowing through life was that I had simply given up on trust: trust in me, in others , in what I feel and know – and above all trusting in the fact that all will unfold to hold and support me if only I let it happen without trying to harness life to grab the reins and be in control.

 

Before leaving for work today, I sat down very gently on the sofa to have a moment just being with me and connecting to myself again. I took time to deeply feel the beauty and deep wisdom and all the delicateness that I am. 

 

Within a moment my body warmed and the deep stillness was there again. Suddenly all seemed to be simple and easy and I could not but smile. The first word that came to me was trust. And trust was exactly what I felt again: a deep trust that does not need explanation or reassurance or insurance.

A trust that calls for living from and in each moment knowing that everything I might need will be there – letting the future come to me.

 

When I stood up from the sofa, the first rays of light from the rising sun where bathing the garden and the woods in golden morning light and some rays even made there way into the living room. On the lawn near the pond a regular visitor was having breakfast – a deer. Playfully followed by her young one. Stillness and delicacy, yet strength and self-assurance at the same time – there was such a beautiful lightness between and around them. 

 

A great inspiration to take with me to the city today: trusting in myself and just doing what needs to be done – and letting lightness and playfulness help me along the way.

 

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